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Miscarriage is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Twice.

I quickly realized that I needed several forms of self care after miscarriage to survive emotionally and physically each time. Everyone is going to heal from miscarriage differently, emotionally and physically. This is why it is so important to listen to yourself and not compare your journey to anyone else’s- no matter how hard that is.

For example, everything I read about said to memorialize your baby, get a token to remind you of them, get a tattoo, print any photos you took… I had never felt more out of place reading these articles and posts. I am not the type to want a constant reminder of what we lost. Yes, I will always carry these babies in my heart, but I don’t want to think about it everyday. I will not live my life “waiting to meet them in heaven,” or thinking about the could have, should have, and would have been.

No, I want to move on. I want to forget. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom. If you feel the same way, YOU are not a bad mom. Everyone heals and grieves differently, and this is the way that is best for me.

How Can I Practice Self Care After Miscarriage?

Below are a few of the items or tips that helped me the most after my miscarriages. I hope they can help you too during this truly sucky time in your life. I am so sorry for your loss, but it really does get a bit easier with each day. ♥

Self Care After Miscarriage:

Heating Pad:

Unfortunately, in addition to the emotional pain, you will most likely have physical pain that can vary from a dull ache to intense cramps. I found that the pain was much more intense when I miscarried at 12 weeks and elected for a D&C. After the D&C, I had incredibly intense stabbing cramps in the front and sides of my pelvis, and a dull consistent ache in my back.

I had two heating pads on me for about 72 hours after the D&C, and it helped with the pain immensely. Heating pads or heating blankets may also made you feel a bit more cozy, comfy, and safe in your surroundings and emotions while you heal.

Sleeping Aids:

I HIGHLY recommend investing in Unisom or an extra strength Melatonin for a non habit forming sleep aid.

After my first miscarriage, I literally couldn’t sleep anymore. Constant worry and emotions kept me up until 3am, 4am, 5am, or until the morning came and it was time to start my day. Sleeplessness and trouble falling asleep has continued to be a problem for me, even four months after my first miscarriage, and only got worse after my second. Using Unisom or Melatonin has helped me get more restful sleep and to stay asleep during the night.

Talk with your doctor about the best option for you if you are experiencing sleeplessness or trouble sleeping. There are many natural remedies, aids like the ones above, or prescription medications your doctor may recommend.

Date Night:

Reconnecting with your significant other is vital when you are going through such an emotional time. Whether you go out for a night on the town, rent a movie and get your favorite takeout, or go on a mini vacation- getting back to the love that made your baby is so important. We decided to take a mini trip to the beach with our son to get away from all of the stress and emotions at home and the doctor’s offices. There were tears, laughs, lots of drinks, and an all around good time.

The second time around, we stayed in our pajamas all day, binged an entire series, ate nothing but junk, and took a grand total of 50 steps for the day. I’ll never forget my son’s face when we all sat down with our own gallons of ice cream and just smothered each other with love.

Massage:

Crying, trouble sleeping, and keeping emotions built up inside will take a larger toll on your body than you realize. I treated myself to my first massage in years after my first miscarriage, and it was the BEST thing I could have done. Request aromatherapy, low music, and a heated table if they have it.

Make sure to let your massage therapist know you recently had a miscarriage, especially if your abdomen is still sore or tender. Getting a massage helped me feel more connected to myself and my body after I felt so betrayed by it.

Special Drinks & Food:

I didn’t eat or drink anything except for some whisky and Tylenol for days after my miscarriages. Yes, I know that’s not healthy. No, it didn’t fill a void. Yep, it helped- both physically and emotionally.

After I processed everything for a few days, it was all about my favorite tea, comforting soups, and delicious cookies. You may not have much of an appetite at first, or even for a while- but when you finally do, make sure to have simple foods that will be comforting to you. Ask your mom to make your favorite dish, Uber Eat McDonald’s fries 4 times a day, or ask your husband to go to 3 different stores to put together that first meal that actually sounds good to you.

Buy A Vibrator:

While this may be a taboo subject for some people, it may also be the one thing that helps. While it is proven that sex NEVER leads to a miscarriage, it is what started my bleeding and lead to us finding out we had already lost our baby at 12 weeks pregnant. This caused so much anxiety, fear, and even resentment around sex for me for weeks. I felt like I no longer knew my body, I was betrayed by my body, and didn’t even know how to navigate it- let alone feel pleasure again.

My doctor let me know that it is normal and valid to feel this way, and recommended trying to learn your body and connect again through massage, meditation, and masturbation before jumping into sex. A vibrator or another toy may be the perfect way to learn your body again either solo, or with your partner.

I admit, the first time we finally had sex again, it was incredibly emotional. There were tears of pain, hope, and even beauty in it. Sex is something that brought us our babies, caused bleeding to let us know we lost a baby, and is the thing that will bring us our rainbow one day.

Never feel pressured to “get back to your old self” immediately, but also don’t feel like it’s bad to want that intimacy immediately following a miscarriage! Just make sure you are cleared by your doctor for sex and/or pelvic activity before having sex or an orgasm following a miscarriage.